


Grief

by Kokisai



Series: they die [3]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Cemetery, Cold Weather, Crying, Death, Depression, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi-centric, Pre-Game Oma Kokichi, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Pre-Game Saihara Shuichi, Sad Saihara Shuichi, Saihara Shuichi Needs a Hug, Tired Saihara Shuichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29896290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokisai/pseuds/Kokisai
Summary: this is just if he called the police and didnt fucking die next to him which was kinda dramatic and fucked up but oh well
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: they die [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2171178
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this

He laid there, not because he wanted to, but because he didn't know what to do anymore.

He declined the therapy which he had been offered, he didn't like therapy. 'Therapy was stupid', in his opinion, being forced to tell your thoughts and fears didn't appeal to him.

Every passing minute from that day on had been awful, and long.

He stared at the clock. _4:56 a.m._ It blinked back at him, sighing, he sat up. 

The nagging feeling never left him after he found Kokichi like that. It was ruled a suicide. He got in trouble for lifting an obviously-dead Kokichi out of the noose, but he didn't know what else to do.

It was still his fault it happened. He knew it was his fault, the feeling eating him away at the inside settled in his stomach for as long as he could remember since then. Everyday since then, he had written Kokichi text messages about how he was sorry and that he loved him, though it was a _bit_ late.

His hands met his face, covering his eyes while his elbows rested at his knees. "Mnn.. God fucking-.." His voice was raspy from dehydration, he took note of that and decided to stop trying to talk, no need to fuel the dryness of his mouth.

Instead, he stood up, not bothering to change out of the clothes he had been wearing all week, he threw on his shoes and walked out the door. He could smell himself, cringing at the grease when he ran his fingers through his hair. _I guess I'll take a shower when I'm back._

It was relatively early in the morning, few cars passed him on the way there. Occasional bump ins with prostitutes, who he had to turn down, or homeless people once he ventured over to the side of the town where he knew Kokichi was. 

The biting cold filled his lungs with every breath of stinging cold, he approached the cemetary.

-

"I should've brought a scarf and gloves." He mumbled, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to create enough friction to ease the tingling sensation in his fingers. "Sorry, Kokichi. You would've probably yelled at me for not taking care of myself properly, though thats quite hypocritical."

He kneeled down, and slowly lowered his head. 

"I really miss you."

Shuichi let out a shaky breath, and stared at the dead grass beneath him.

"You're probably sick of me coming here, I know."

Shuichi missed his voice.

"I know you probably wouldn't-" He paused, taking a moment to wipe away the tears welling in his eyes. "you probably wouldn't forgive me if you were.. here."

Shuichi missed his face.

"I know it's _my_ fault you're in the ground now, and if you did forgive me," He traced his fingers across the name ingraved in the headstone. "you would tell me to forget you and to move on."

"I really don't think I can, Kokichi."

Shuichi missed his warm embrace.

"God, I'm such-" He let out a choked sob, lowering his hand away from the headstone to wipe his tears again. "such a loser, coming here and asking for forgiveness, from someone who is.. Gone, and- and never coming back."

"O-on the bright side, I tried- I tried to get you the prettiest headstone I could find, one which matched with you well."

His eyes met with the flowers he had keft from previous visits. "I forgot flowers this time, I hope that's okay. Knowing you, you probably wouldn't care, and that's why I," He inhaled sharply. "I love you."

"I love you. I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have been such a fucking _asshole,_ I know. I shouldn't have auditioned for Danganronpa, I shouldn't have let you down like that, I shouldn't have been so egotistical about my audition, but I was also right, they sent me a letter." 

He laughed to himself. "They told me I was _accepted into Danganronpa!"_ His raised his hands into the air, performing jazz hands. "I couldn't even be excited.. This was a bad idea. I tried to explain my situation but, y'know, 'no cold feet', or whatever."

"I'll win, for you."

-

_That face felt familiar._

Too familiar for Shuichi's own comfort.

Almost, heartache whenever he looked at the Ultimate Supreme Leader, he didn't like it. It was uncomfortable, he couldn't be the only one who liked the outcast of the group, but it had almost become hard _not to._ Kokichi's whole existence seemed like a mind trick, playing with his heart strings in a way he couldn't understand, a way which even a detective couldn't find out.

That was when he decided he was going to figure out more about Kokichi Ouma.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry


End file.
